Two Cool Jerks and a Health Nut Walk Into a Hospital

Try to stop me if you don’t want to hear this one

Two cool jerks and a health nut walk into a hospital

One of the cool jerks says to the others

Can you believe the size of this place?

Yes I can, says the health nut

Given the poor diet most people eat

I wonder that it’s not even bigger

So, says one of the cool jerks

You will never get sick, right?

The health nut replied:

I did not say that, I said…

But the second cool jerk interrupted

No, you were saying people get sick

Because they do not eat properly

You eat properly, therefore

You will not get sick

Okay, said the health nut

Yes, I probably will not get sick as often

Well, said one of the cool jerks

When I am admitted to this hospital

I want to be sick

I don’t ever want to be lying in one of these things

Dying of nothing.

Ha Ha Ha, said the other cool jerk.

The health nut shook his head.

The Dr. Together

We went to the Dr. together

Not one supporting the other

Both being seen

Technically my appointment

Was a half hour before yours

But they called our names

Paul and Tang-a

Incorrectly

You mumbled, they’re not here

Who wants to be weighed first?

I did, warning her

My clothes weigh five pounds

I registered 145

I whisper to you

I warned her

We walk by the height

Ruler

And as we are seated

I say, I guess you are assuming

Our heights have not changed

Instead of saying yes,

She said something I’ve forgotten

She read from her computer

Our numbers from before

From January for you

From September for me

Your glucose was one number better

Than mine, but you are medicated

She took your BP and it was low

Lower than mine

She wanted to know

If you usually ran low

You said no

And that you had been getting dizzy

Not something you had told me

My pulse was 48

She wanted to know

If my rate was usually low

I said I run marathons and stuff

You grimaced at that

Pretending to care if I saw you

Your pulse was almost as slow as mine

You whispered something like

I run too

She said she could use the old numbers

But the NP said no, she needed blood

I was glad to show off my veins

You began to worry

They needed blood for my prostate

She joked you had no prostate

You said something like,

It’s a well-kept secret

I suggested they might do you first

And let you get to work

She wanted to know if we

Needed notes to take to our boss

I said, no I don’t work until…

You interrupted and mumbled

He does not work

And I said until tonight

I was going to say until my

Class tonight

But I gave up

She drew mine first

No problem

And then I told her you

Had almost cried before

When they gouged you in vain

As she felt your arm

I leaned against the wall

And turned my head

She got it on the first try

I thought you might pull it out

From joy

She measured our waists

Gave me a script for Mobic

Gave you a reduced BP med

Because of your secret

Dizzy spells

She went to ask the Dr.

What to do

And came back and said

The Dr. said hi

You said, tell her

We said hi, too.

They decided to send me to PT

For my back pain

You got reduced meds

We checked out

You getting your six-month

Appointment

Out in the hot morning sun

We told one another to drive

Carefully

And we went our separate ways

Me to Walmart

You to work

Can you believe it?

We went to the Dr.

Together

It's hard to gesticulate

I jerked my head

To tell you which way to go

And when you mocked me

I barked:

It’s hard to gesticulate

With your hands full

Laughing Uncontrollably

She almost hit me with the bathroom door

And you could not stop laughing

We giggled too

Watching you keep going

Your face turning red

You not trying to stop

The way you usually would

Me knowing behind your laugh

Was a force she and I could not know

Perhaps something to do with me

An explosion I had caused

From times I had been unkind

Or days you had wanted to laugh

But had to hobble around the library

Getting people off porn sites

Or making ID pictures

Of people with funny names

Things laughing at

Would be frowned on

It’s me and you still

And her

The three of us

Full of reasons to love

Wanting so much

To say how we feel

Unable to control laughter

Any more than we can

The tears

Radio Silence

As far as I know

There are three kinds of silence

Complete

Total

And

Radio

With complete and total silence

You do not hear anything

With radio silence

You wish you had never heard anything

The last thing I wanted to say

The first thing I want to say

-After a close encounter

With a dark-hued tomb-

Has its own joy de vie

Its Joy de le veda

And it comes out thus

-Emerging from the labyrinth

Of my fear-

“I can make it on my own”

You surely know though

That is in fact

The last thing I wanted to say

Your Long-Absent Son Here

Lost in the static of the sixties

Jesus and you

Could always be found

With a few tweaks

Of the dial

The love songs of the seventies

Played while I looked

For your replacement

One to make me smile

And be alert as I dreamed

Studious through the eighties

The seatbelt sign off

Free to move about the country

Turbulence ahead

Just as you had warned

Careering into the nineties

A little place in the hills

Early morning charges

Late-night hand wringing

Learning without knowing

Humbling with the oughts

Settling into time

More uncertain measures

Fewer ways of counting

How I might be doing

All this time…

Your love has shone

Like a lighthouse

Through fog and mist

More shore revelation

Than coastal smoothing

And now…

Your vessel sails

Near the craggy coast

And though I’m distant

I lift a flashlight

On my tiptoes