If Twitter and Facebook had been around when Jesus died

Imagine how twitter would have lit up if it had been around when Jesus died on the cross, to say nothing of the resurrection. One single solitary sojourner from Nazareth would have trended twice in three days. Word of his passing and rapid rejuvenation would have rocked the nations. Imagine all the Friday Facebook posts: 

RIP Jesus, please keep Mary and Joseph, his parents in your prayers.

Or

All you haters satisfied now? They’ve killed my lord and savior. RIP son of man.

Or

Headline link: Jesus takes hissop, delivers final sermon to thief on the cross to his right and gives up the ghost.

Then, on Sunday morning: OMG, Jesus is not in his tomb. Developing story. See link below.

Or on Twitter:

Jesus is risen! My text feed popping.

Craz s**t, Jesus be gone from his tomb, wassup with that?

Or

IMHO they'll find Jesus’ body in the river Jordan or somewhere, peeps don’t come back from no dead, sorry; god or no god.

Or

Enuf of this Jesus has risen crap, I’m not believing it till I see it.

Or

I wonder if Judas Iscariot will have to return the money now that Jesus has come back alive, ROTFLMAO!!

Or

My prayers were answered. Jesus is alive, he is alive, he is alive!

The more sanguine NY Times would have published his obituary headline as: 

Jesus, some called Christ, dead at 33!

Only to report in three days: 

Jesus’ body reported missing from tomb!

I think it was probably better having James and John do the reporting. Legends grow better given a little time and shrouded in a little mystery.