JC's A Good Ole Boy

Jesus is from the south of the United States

Or at least that’s where I hear his heart is these days

When we see him for the first time

His outstretched hands will be dangling with emeralds, rubies and sapphires

In his right ear lobe will be a 1/2 carat diamond earring and in his left

Well there will be no earring in his left lobe

But around his neck will be a diamond cross

Which would retail at J.C. Penney's for well over $4500.00

Around his waist will be a solid gold belt

And on the buckle will simply be the initials J.C.

           

From the characterizations I have heard of him

I suspect Jesus will be tone deaf, when it comes to the arts

Rather he will be a collector of Elvis memorabilia

A card-toting member of the NRA

And he will bowl Monday and Thursday nights

In two different leagues

He will be very soft around the middle from a lack of exercise

Not from the consumption of beer

His only vice will be the occasional glass of wine, for medicinal purposes

Jesus will drive an Eldorado with bull horns as the hood ornament

His front license plate will be a rebel flag

On his back bumper the confederate flag will appear again

And beside it will be the words, Heritage not Hate

The wonderful lord Jesus Christ will be partial to boiled peanuts from roadside stands

And my god, will he ever be able to put away the vittles

His favorite Sunday dinner will be crispy fried chicken

With black-eyed peas, creamed potatoes, corn bread and a glass of sweet ice tea

Jesus will have quit high school in the eleventh grade to help work in the fields

But he will have obtained his G.E.D. at night

He will not be the smartest as far as book sense

But he will be eat up with common sense

Give him a broke plough and he will have it back together and sharp as a razor within a few hours

Jesus will have the expected scars in his hands, head, feet and side

Where he had the run in with the Romans

But he will also have this mysterious scar across his cheek

That no one can ever remember hearing him talk about

Rumor being he got it in a knife fight at a night spot just outside Gethsemane

I suspect he will have absolutely no patience with anybody

Not willing to work hard for an honest wage

He will be registered a Democrat

But the last Democratic presidential candidate he will have voted for would be Jimmy Carter

Allowing how the Democrats have just "strayed too far from the scriptures"

 

Instead of sandals, he will have picked him up a nice pair of snake-skin boots at Sam's Wholesale Club

And hanging around his rear view mirror will be a St. Christopher medallion

And a pair of dice he got as a souvenir from a riverboat casino

In other words, you have probably already met him

If you live anywhere in the U.S. South

You just might not have known it was him

Cause Jesus is a good ole boy that likes to go along to get along

And the last thing he wants to do is bring attention to his self