Putting Unwanted Feelings in Their Place

Putting unwanted feelings in their place

Grief, always the courtier

Knocked at my door

Asking to speak to the man of the house

But as I was indisposed

He understood and vowed to return later

While his less couth cousin – disquiet

Waiting at the curb

Without announcement

Intruded into my private space

Ransacking the place before

I could dial for help

When the authorities arrived

To make a report

I, interrupting business as usual

Made a case for choice in matters

Some say before abrupt changes

For sanguine solitude

To be promoted among the legislators

Sorry, said I, but willy-nilly upheaval is inopportune

Impertinent and calloused

And as they took notes I spoke with passion

Reminding them to look me in the eyes

As I made my case

After which, to my relief

They started to pack up and leave

Assuring me my message would be conveyed

Giving me back my night

Even begging my pardon

Upon knocking over a dear picture

As they retreated

I returned the likeness to where it belonged

But as soon as they left, that hollow feeling entered

The same door

Sitting down in my desk chair

Opening files on my computer

In fact, one I thought I had deleted

The one in which I had written

So movingly of permanence

Requited love

A separate peace

Sanctuary

I know grief, loneliness, separation

Or perhaps the dark king himself

Will return

And ask to speak to me again

But just maybe I won’t be home

Or suppose I am

But have insight afresh

Giving him an ear full?

I am feeling again in charge

Working out is paying off

These, these aliens and imposters

These ne’er do wells

Really, I don’t think

Want to mess with me

Giving Thanks

Expectations

To know what you want

Is a stuffed pantry

Obligations

Follow like the scorned

With nowhere else to turn

Incantations

Perch on tongues

Before they fall in laps

Orientations

Upside needs down

The way money does the poor

Indiscretions

Obfuscate the future

By undermining seconds

Deliberations

Offer promise

Always a little behind

Perorations

Swell inside

Tsunami is too strong a word

Explanations

We can dismiss

As for the faint of heart

Imaginations

One year light

The next night-dark

Transitions

Not my favorite

Time to be

Memories

Closed-circuit connection

To we uninformed

Considerations

Of a room

Filled with heartbeats

Appreciations

Glad to have shared

Space and time

Acknowledgements

The little person

Will be fine as always

Thanksgivings

What we feel

For someone noticing

Misgivings

Steps on stones

In water to our waist

The years now past

To be mined

For nugget expressions

Of unification

And with a supply

I will not hoard

But rather give

Thanks

For…

If I cannot have

My desire

I will be glad

For its discovery

Since...

To know what you want

Is a stuffed pantry

It's Going to Be Okay

I sat in the weeds beside our trailer

With my wonderful Aunt and Uncle on their way

To visit for my graduation

And memorized my lines from South Pacific

The role of Joe Cable

By staring the words on to blades of grass

And reading them back

The chiggers attacked

Through my pants

But I had no time

To worry over itching

The future was rushing in

High school burning off the horizon

The sun so bright

I wish I could get back there

And tap the skinny boy

On the shoulder and say to him:

It’s going to be okay.

I'd Like A Word With You

I’d like a word

With a few good people

She who’s lost a child

A breast

A house

He a job

A dream

A marriage

They’ve taken his car back

Her dinette set

Those who’ve lost their minds

And now sit in the waiting room

Of someone paid to listen

I need to talk to these people

To ask their wisdom

How they keep going

Where my view

Needs tweaking

And if you’ve been there

Looking down the barrel

Of a loaded gun

I’d like a word with you too

Vegas Is No Mirage

If you're going to Vegas
Take along a friend
One who asks why
And looks hard at life

Talk about it
Write your thoughts down
Be gentle as you judge

But you can rest assured
It's no Mirage

Gluttony and lust
Two of the deadly sins
Carried punishments
Of eating rats and snakes
And being smothered in
Brimstone

Vegas has a novel approach
Set them up in front of
A game of chance
And give them
Enough money to
Last a week

I am no stranger to sin
It does not frighten me
I don't believe the tragedian
Accounts it has inspired

It's Vegas I don't get
From Mormon, Sicilian and Jewish mafia
To profligate use of water
And hedonism on Viagra
I will have to pass
Hit the next guy

Desert Fountain

If you want to find yourself
Vegas may not be your place
You might find your inner Elvis
Or worse, a pack of rats

Walk sober at midnight 
from Mandalay Bay
To the Palazzo 
And then back south

Look hard at the faces
Listen to the yelps
Sit for a time 
As the parade passes

Ask yourself what that is
Is it a form of joy?
Was love waiting on you
When you got back?

Desert fountain
I fear for your future
But it's the clanging machines
That must not last

Adios Las Vegas

I want to love Las Vegas, I do
The way I want love everything
Attraction just feels better

The weather is nice
The food to die for
Nights are busy, days relaxed
The streets are clean again
By eight in the morning
The slots sing still
As I sit in the airport
With the strip gleaming
Through the window
And I'm reminded
Of their saying:
Have a lucky day
Well...
This is my lucky day
Adios Las Vegas

Seven Stages of September 11

Shock and denial

Smoke-scarred sky
Pillars in piles
Top of the morning
To Top of the world
High heels head home
Crossing the bridge
Under a cloudless sky
Wordless utterings


Pain and guilt

The stage is set
Oh, oh, oh,
Calls dropped
Hearts stopped
Some still standing
Why we wonder
Fathom faiths future
Is this how it ends?
Is God too dead?


Anger and bargaining

Eye for an eye
Shock is all
Shock and awe
Let’s roll
Bring back bravery
Bruise a head
Blame a bum
Pay people pawns
To Perish in Persia


Depression, Reflection, Loneliness

Scream - not the painting
Soft sad summers
Calling on none
Wanting no calls
Brooks brook brooding
Skies sigh sooooooo
I’m going down
Why there why now?
No known name


The Upward Turn

September morn
Neil Diamond refrain
Can I hear more?
Bring it on
It’s a long long time
From May to December
Ice Cream Reigns Again
The Fall we call the fall
Frost Feels Fine


Reconstruction and working through

Long lush lines
From your brush
Songs from your heart
Universe next door
Cities of people
Cable cars clank
Feathered things fly
The Wright Brothers
Make sense again


Acceptance and hope

Feet are funny
Lashes love eyes
Hands are so holding
Brows soft sweating
Price paid pardon
Soldiers returning
Work works wonders
Poiesis to praxis
Direction: home

Yet Another Way To See The World

Life as I see it now

Slow dawns

Overwrought sunsets

Hosts of witnesses

Contracts to sign

Deep trust aside

All these faces

In such cool places

For me I wonder

Are they assigned to me?

I pinch my arm

And shake my head

Certain of but one thing

I did not dream you

My dreams are not that kind

Yet there is no real difference

Between you and a dream

For this too shall pass

And I will learn

Yet another way

To see the world

A Slow Boat To China

I am awake in the night

As is often the case

But tonight is some different

For tonight I am shipping

You see when Dad died in 2006

I went to China

And among other things

Saw the world’s second

Largest port

The trip was useful

I left some things

On the Li River

And a few more

On the Nan Jing Road

We taxied out over the harbor in Shanghai

Winding our way

Around that loopy view

Of enormous commerce

I cannot get back there

At least not tonight

But I need to send

A few things on big ships

To a big port of call

It takes fifteen seconds

To breathe each down

And fifteen seconds

To breathe each aboard

Thus far I have loaded

Sadness

Ego

Feelings of injustice done

Craving for revenge

Anger

A vague sense of inadequacy

Hatred

And threat to self-image

I stopped by here

To file my report

A bill of lading

Now I must repair

Back to the dock

And load a few more

With any good fortune

The Slow Boat to China

Will get them to land

Then I suppose truck

And then maybe

The Qinghai-Tibet Railroad

Will get them home

As if for consolation

My midnight Yogi Tea bag says:

“Wherever you go

Go with all your heart”

I had not thought

Of going somewhere

I will consider that

Once this shipment clears

Histrionics

Measured action, measured reaction 

Domains of the wise

So I thought as a young man

Uncle William Major was wise

Not maniacal as others I knew 

So it was a mild perturbation

When I first seemed a lesser man

Flying mad

So passionate

Threatening to rain a plague

on any who disagreed with me

Once Uncle William said of a man:

“That man is a little high strung”.

“High strung???!!!” 

Wise Uncle William said that of the man

Who ran off with a thirteen year-old girl

And returned married to her

What he called the man

Who beat her within an inch of her life

More than once

So bad she had to have shock treatments

To rid her of ensuing depression

If that’s what the wise man said

Who am I to argue?

The truth is

There are times to be passionate

For what you feel in your soul

Sure the wise may take the middle path

Deflect the darts of the silly

With the hard shield of reason

And without wiggling a finger

Or raising a voice…

But if you live long enough

Someday, something will happen

Requiring you to reach down for strength

To become a little animated

And with your sanity intact

Dance a little jig

Jack a little jaw

It may not be pretty

But that’s okay

Someday, something might require your histrionics. 

All the more reason

To remain reserved til then

As the impact of extremes

Depends on contrast

And when you are done

You can always

Wise up again

Pretension

There is good and bad in seeking to be what we are not.

How shall I know if it fits unless I try it on?

That’s presumption

Pretension is closer to hypocrisy than presumption. 

Each of us is blind to our own falsity. 

Forswearing exaggeration

Can lead to the ditch on the other side of the road,

self –abnegation.

We learn from the actions and consequences of others. 

Testing our perceptual accuracy.   

Superstitious reasoning can undercut social and private judgments.

        

We label some pretenders

Due to a mismatch between who they think they are, and who we see them to be.

This does not make us any more correct than them. 

Our audience is a powerful influence on our private interpretations

Should peer opinion be the final judge of who we are?

Some defer too much to the court of public opinion

Others are too slow to do so.

The audacious take chances for their own development. 

Risking indictable hubris. 

We are on trial internally and externally. 

If our inside judge is too lenient

We get harsh treatment from external judges

Assimilation is a match between these judges 

Why is this important? 

Our private reflections are our developmental ceiling. 

We can swing wildly between overconfidence and crises of self-esteem. 

The opposite of pretension is authenticity. 

Everyone would prefer to be fully authentic, never pretentious,

But greatness requires audacity

Hence the conundrum

Here is what I take:

Seek to please communities

Expecting the best from you

Not those calling you pretender