Secondary Smoke

Listen to me when I say
Trust no one over 30
who has not been fired from
a job
…and while you’re at it, mull this over too
what a different country this would be if Richard Nixon
had just followed Steve Martin’s advice and learned
to strum the banjo
Remember what Lloyd Bentsen said and I quote
“The smoking man was a friend of mine and sir
you are no [bleeping] smoking man” [A little X files humor there]
Speaking of smoking
my uncle was a chain smoker, [but around me it was just his cigs hardy har har har]
I remember one time, now in the dim, maybe then too
he puffed out a circle, a ring if you will, that lofted its way around a lit light bulb
and I jumped up and down, all clapping and all, and down, [oops I
already said down],
not exactly an ABC winter Olympic moment, but we had each other
or at least he had me
there I was swinging from his bicep kicking up a breeze with my spider legs
That old Uncle Paul of mine, and me a dangling from his strong arm, unfiltered Camel
tight between his teeth
Oh and did I say he taught me to whistle
[I’m whistling now, I sometimes have a need to whistle]
I guess you might say he was the first person to offer me
secondary smoke…don’t make me draw you a picture
we bonded, okay? I was gasping for breath from kicking in the smoky
air and from puckering so much to learn whistling, couldn’t hardly breath you know…
then I seldom saw him after I was 11 (years old), but
at that time, on the day of the smoke ring,
I just told you about [now I get uh out of breath uh from the absence of smoke uh, does that make sense uh?]
we pretty much became buds, but [and as he would say, it’s a big butt, hee hee]
if you take the EXACT opposite of me and my uncle
you get the following in the vernacular of a gasping non nephew [Uncle Paul died]
…to where that to this day uh
I get cold, cold chills uh when a shiny faced uh
I mean white-faced uh, executive (just an archetype I mean) making 417 times more uh
than his average “coworker” uh
fingers floury from never touching a cancer stick uh
skin soft as a boll of cotton uh
and certainly with no Steve Martin banjo on his knee uh [and not from Alabamee, haw haw] looks at me and says uh
boy you got potential [uh]